On showing up for yourself

Me reading poetry on mirrors, in the pink bathroom of    McNally Jackson    bookstore in Manhattan, NYC. - I love this one x

Me reading poetry on mirrors, in the pink bathroom of McNally Jackson bookstore in Manhattan, NYC. - I love this one x

Sometimes, when so many words are twirling in my mind, trying to get out and into the world - to be read by you - I freeze.

It’s not something that happens in real life, because I can talk five quarters in one hour (that’s a Dutch saying, not sure how it translates into English - but you get what I mean).

Freezing online on my blog, while proclaiming to share more, to show up on a regular basis and then not do so? It’s not something I like or am proud of. How can something I really love to do, write and share, make me freeze? The answer came to me a couple of weeks ago when I was reading and listening to Elizabeth Gilbert (for those of you who don’t know her - she wrote Eat, Pray, Love). Her book “Big Magic - Creative living beyond Fear” is one I have read twice. Her interview with Marie Forleo was so good and from her I learned that Perfection is a form of Fear.

“Perfectionism is just Fear in fancy shoes”.

Perfectionism? Me? I’m not a Perfectionist… Really Maureen?

I had to admit to myself that actually I am, while at the same time I’m very ‘go with the flow’ as well. But I’m a lover of details, I don’t like to do things for others half hearted. I’m in or out and can continue doing what needs to be done until I can’t no more. I go the extra mile if I believe in it. But I can recall all the opportunities I had let go, stepped over or found boring. Partly because I only wanted to do them a hundred percent. All the 15+ draft blogposts I still have not shared with you yet? Why am I not sharing them? Because they are not good enough in my eyes - yet. So I had to admit, somehow I believed I was far from a perfectionist, but actually I am. Maybe not in the OCD way (although there was a period in time I hung my clothes colour coordinated and by size, but not anymore). I can life with this part of me - the Good Enough kind. The Better Done than Not kind. Now that I’m aware that Fear is behind so many emotions (it’s a trickster that one), I can stop myself of making things ‘perfect’ and focus more on what really matters. Showing up.

Which brings me to the next step - Showing up for myself.

By showing up for myself, keeping my word to myself, doing what I said I was going to do and finish it, it gave me back my creative inspiration. I started to invest in myself and really focus on my future plans (more on that in a couple of weeks).

Feeling good and feeling creative again, is a necessity for my soul. I know I show up on Instagram on a daily basis and on IG Stories (which I start to like more now). If you want to see what I’ve been up to (for instance our week in NYC) you can join me there as well. But I know I need to share more here, on my blog and grow my email list. And that’s what I’m doing more now - better to put it out into the world good enough, then holding it close to myself waiting for it to be ‘perfect’. (Still can’t believe I’m typing this, but hey - I promised myself to show up more, so thanks for bearing with me).

One of the things I started doing for myself is embroidering words with meaning for a hundred days straight. I’m a word lover and Words have Power. By creating something with my hands, I feel good and I show up - for myself. I’ll make a separate page for it on the blog, but in the mean time you can follow this personal project of simple words (and a quote) on my Instagram Story Highlight #100dayproject.

If you are a long time reader, Thank You for showing up when I write here.

Thank You for supporting me in my next journey into more creativity (and the next new projects to come).

Thank You for all the comments, likes, DM’s on Instagram.

It takes a village to go grow and believe me, behind the scenes I’m preparing to grow some more.

Thanks for being here!

Maureen x