'...and with just one click, she froze a moment in time...' -m.
Last week, it was four years since my daddy passed away. He was only 68. It never gets easier, but I truly believe that he is always with us and in our hearts.
When I was thinking how to start this blogpost, my mind wandered to a black and white photograph of me and daddy. Just the two of us sitting in a small cable car in a Dutch amusement park. We were on our way to rise high up into the air. I'm smiling, daddy looks serious. I begged him to come and sit next to me. This was not something he wanted to do, but he did it for me and so up we went. I have the photo, so my memory is still fresh of that day. When daddy passed and we were looking for photo's to use at his memorial service, we had a hard time finding old pictures of him. Luckily me and my two brothers did some digging and we found enough to use. He was never a man to stand in the forefront, never eager to be in a picture. But when digital photography and smartphones came along, every time I visited him, I snapped a photo or five. I wanted time to freeze so badly, if only for that moment.
Take the photo... no matter how blurry it will be...
As a mama who is always behind the lens or snapping away with my trusty Iphone, I made myself a promise. This year will be the start of me being more in the pictures with Noa and Zoe. I make photo's every.single.day. I literally made thousands of photo's of their daily lives. I also make the special occasion ones and the holiday pictures - everything is frozen in time so we all can look back and relive those moments. Most of the photo's however, you will not see me but Daniel with them. And as glad as I am, that they can look back on a childhood filled with daily photo's of themselves with their daddy, I'm not in the pictures. He simply doesn't think to snap those moments, so I have to remind him. But I also have to be less aware of how I look - I don't like myself much in photo's, I'm not sure why, since I'm pretty laid back of how I look.
One holiday we went to France and I literally am in none of the photo's we took. As if the girls were only on holiday with their dad. So I'm asking him now more, to simply take a photo of me together with the girls. The moments that I want to look back on, the simple daily moments of motherhood.
I do make the goofiest selfies with them. And the girls have snapped the occasional "mama is sleeping with her mouth open in public transportation while we were on holiday...." Honestly, these kids... These photo's are not flattering at all, but it doesn't matter. It's our time together at that moment, just how it was. Me and the girls. Me and him. Us.
It doesn't really matter how it turns out - it's about preserving memories. Freezing moments, for us and for future generations. I don't want my girls digging for a photo of me when I'm no longer here. If they want to remember how I looked or how we lived, they can.
So yes, stand more in front of the camera. It's not for social media or for other people to see. It's for you, for your family and future family, your friends and don't forget, for your future self. Think about it - you will look back and think, Dang! I looked good! What was I complaining about?
Photo's trigger the mind.
Emotions are being fed.
Stories are getting extra meaning.
Simply stand still and take the photo... no matter how your hair looks....
Your future self will thank you for it.